Am I Healing?
THE DEPTHS OF PHYSICAL HEALING
Q:am i healing?
A: I've been reflecting under this Libra full moon opposing Chiron (the wounded healer), as I've been enduring a very challenging moment of being human. I'm recognizing the fragility as well as the resilience of this incredible body and its capacity and willingness to be honest above and beyond my own self-deception. I’m learning that whatever it is that I’ve been avoiding, especially unconsciously, has created deep ravines and patterns that can be traced throughout my family lines in physical form. Typically we call them hereditary manifestations. Now that it’s my turn, I get to explore the true significance of what that means. Not just for me and my life and what it is that I have to change, but I’m learning about the consequences of individual and familial karma and how that plays out on the stage of the body.
As a mere microcosm to the macrocosm and witnessing so many of my loved ones now experiencing their own edges of pain in different aspects of the physical body, I am in a deeper inquiry as to why. What is the body trying to tell me? Or trying to tell us? What is it I cannot hear or don’t want to know or haven’t been willing to listen to from any other source? I’ve always known that the body doesn’t lie. It doesn't have the capacity to sustain that which is false. It does have incredible tenacity, endurance and strength and can go for prolonged periods of time in very compromised situations, and still it gives its all until it's got nothing left.
PHYSICAL BODY MAINTENANCE
I suppose my responsibility as a passenger in this vehicle is to maintain it, to make sure all the fluids are checked and that the temperature is right. That it is cleaned out from time to time and kept well oiled. When life takes us into certain rhythms that are foreign and unfamiliar, sometimes we forget our responsibilities to our vehicle. I see this quite often with people that I‘ve worked with over time. When life happens, a challenging circumstance perhaps, the body gets left behind. As a yoga teacher and a Taurus moon I don’t and can’t leave my body behind. But I certainly can push it. And my body has certainly learned to push me back.
So here I am, pushed back into the discomfort of recognizing that I am healing. I am healing something far greater than what my doctor might understand. I am healing something far greater than what I have the capacity to comprehend at this moment. But as I listen more deeply and go further into inquiry, all the answers are there. The mystery continues to unfold with clues that are pointing me into the right direction. Ultimately I know what I need and it is my responsibility to get myself there while continuing to align myself with the life that I am building.
Old habits die hard they say, whoever “they” is. It’s true, and it always comes with a price. You want this habit to die? It will cost you “this”. So I’m paying a high price for some of my habits to die. And you know what? It’s worth every penny.
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We cannot change the world until we accept we are the world. This is the new conversation.