What Is Beauty?
THE SEAs OF CHANGE
Q:What is beauty?
A: I find myself in utter astonishment. Not because of the complete 180 that has introduced itself into my life this week but because of the most exquisitely beautiful dream I just woke up from. Have you ever been surfing the tidal waves of change, basking in the glory of the unknown, and asked for a sign? Me too. Just yesterday actually. It isn’t that I am new to these death and rebirth cycles of life, yet, somehow they keep feeling more intense, more palpable, with more at risk. I imagine this crescendo of undeniability and immensity is a true blessing. The more life I live, the deeper into the layers of my psyche I go, and what I find there needs work - rugged, genuine, courageous inner work.
Is it because as the days go on in life, there are fewer days to do said inner work? It is true for me that if I am not attending to the pulling of the weeds of my unconscious, they will continue to grow and wreak havoc without my knowing it, only to have to navigate these self-created jungles of my mind at some future point. And I get it, pulling weeds makes it sound like a Sunday afternoon past-time when actually, these weeds feel as if a part of me, and pulling them can feel as if removing an arrow from my own flesh. But hey, we love a good metaphor.
FIRE BEFORE THE STORM
I digress. So the dream or the 180 first? Let’s back up to last Thursday, on the cusp of the Leo new moon that graced us all with a square to Uranus, most likely shaking up something in your life as well. Uranus is cosmic lightning, unpredictability, and electric charge that pulses into your life and pulses out, changing you in ways never imagined. I moved through the day feeling so ill, wanting to crawl out of my own skin (which I texted to my friend who was also feeling this). I know this feeling well as a Fire Serpent in Chinese astrology, and that I navigate cycles by shedding my skin, not to mention viscerally through my digestive tract but that is for another time. It was the most uncomfortable I have felt without focused pain in a long time.
Yet I kept up a good vibe, because why not. Just because I feel like death doesn’t mean I have to act like it lol. I worked diligently throughout the day, noticing unfamiliar cues from my boss and taking internal notes. The way she averted my eyes, or didn’t acknowledge our 2:00 pm meeting, etc. And then, at 6:36 pm she asked me into the office and I was let go. It wasn’t personal, the firm is undergoing a sea change and, like the rest of the world, is having to navigate this difficult financial climate. I’ve gone from shock, to elation, to feeling terrible, to finding peace, and now am feeling incredibly inspired by what is possible.
BUILDING AN ASTROLOGY PRACTICE
Many friends and some of you have encouraged me in the past to pursue my astrology in a greater way. Yesterday I found some footing upon your words and I thank you. I am thrilled to say that I am going to put some energy into building my practice as I continue to surf and open myself up to what God has in store for me. Here is a very special gift for you as my dedicated reader. Thank you for helping me navigate as well, your presence and readership means a lot and I want you to know I appreciate you.
I asked for a sign. I was walking yesterday afternoon and had just met with a dear soul who can read me from inside out - she is amazing. She encouraged me to follow my passion. And that whatever next job I get has to support the vision that lives in my heart (she does happen to know what that is and I look forward to sharing it in a future journal with you too). It is audacious and a bit grand…and you know the drill of my mantra, everything is possible! After seeing her I felt so many things, hours passed and I spent the later part of the day and into the night wrapping up my previous job. Leaving things immaculate and better than how I found them is a core value of mine and I enjoy it. Throughout the process, I could feel both the rigor mortis of my old life as well as the glimmers of hope and expansiveness of the new as if crowning into my new life. Around 10:30 pm I completed my mission and prayed for a sign.
Beauty to me is indescribable, and yet as a poet and writer, I am ceaselessly fumbling over this attempt. Perhaps it is like climbing a mountain and each word expressed is one step closer toward an infinite peak. And yet, the feeling I woke up with this morning was beyond magical, breathtaking, and illuminating all in one. I simply cannot describe the beauty that my heart felt while in my dream state that also carried over into that sweetest moment between sleep and awakeness which if you notice can taste just a bit like heaven - do you know this place? The teaching, the reflection, the compassion, and the witnessing unfolded in a secret code of a dream that was written for me by the best lyricist of all, thank God! Maybe I will share this dream in detail at some point, or maybe, just maybe I will live it to tell the story and write from there. Sending you all so much love and possibility!
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We cannot change the world until we accept we are the world. This is the new conversation.