Do You Accept?
ACCEPTING YOUR MOMENT
Q: Do You Accept?
A: I do. I am in a state of acceptance like no other I have ever known. I am accepting the transition of this moment…as a friend noted, “it seems you’re able to spend time in between the letting go of one trapeze and enjoy it without frantically searching for the next one”. Indeed, it feels that way. And enjoyment is a relative term in this case. Let’s explore the space in between the next trapeze through inquiry.
What is difficult about now? Not knowing which way life will twist and turn. Or not knowing where I live, what I do, who I am in relationship, where to be, how to make a living, what my next step is, etc? I am asking myself where is the earth under me and how long I can tread this moment?
What is magical about now? Everything, the shimmer of boundless time and space. Feeling constraints lessen by the moment. Finding freedom at every turn. Swimming in the unknown as a glorious seascape within my own heart.
What is uncomfortable about now? All of it. My life feels like a slip’n’slide with nothing to hold onto, nothing to grasp, no identity to hide behind. It is pretty much that naked in front of a crowd dream that people speak about. I have never had that dream before but I feel metaphorically naked in front of all of you. And yes, it is uncomfortable.
What is easeful about now? The trees, the wind, the whispers of nature reminding me to laugh, to cry in joy, to give thanks at every turn. The beauty of life. The absolute miracle of what is possible. And the fact that I can even experience such radical surrender somehow feels graceful and brings peace of mind, heart, and body.
What is the hardest to accept? Heartbreak. In all forms, the grief that keeps on giving. The what-once-was-that-will-never-be-again. The facing of stone-cold truths that are obvious reminders as to why self-deception is a popular choice. Aspects of reality. Of really being present in this moment and seeing what there is to see, personally and collectively.
What is the easiest to accept? This invitation. I have known I would be here, at this moment, for over a decade. I have heard the bells of this inner beckoning/reckoning from afar and have walked toward myself for a very long time. Although I am being called to a death of sorts, I recognize that it is also a birth. And I am here for it all.
What don’t I want to share? This is a lonely walk, it hurts, it aches, it is decomposition at its best. No one can do this for me. Only I can do what must be done here on this intimate path of psychological death and it’s very challenging to articulate and to relate. I am doing my best, and often failing at that too.
What do I want to share? One thing I can hold onto right now is my faith and it is growing by the moment. Faith in God. Faith in our relationship. Faith in my heart of hearts. Faith that good work is being done in this fiery forge of self. Faith that the power of love is immense and that love is my lighthouse. Faith that the cost of self-realization is worth every blood, sweat, and tear. Faith that being human can result in the ordinary or the extraordinary and that it is a personal choice. Faith that I know the choice of my heart and why I have chosen it.