What Are You Grateful For?
Q: What Are You Grateful For?
A: I’m sitting on a cozy cloud-like denim couch in a northern California farmhouse with a precious Jack Russel named Amor nestled as close to me as he can get. I couldn’t be in a better seat to answer this question and I am surrounded by the paradox of the bustling nature of a working farm as well as the deep peace that those who live here exude from their hearts.
16 years ago, I was living the San Francisco life cross-pollinating my personality between yoga teacher, burner, somatic psychology grad student, project manager at The Aspen Institute and Café Gratitude patron. I lived down the street from the very first of these unparalleled restaurants on Harrison Street and quickly became a regular.
Matthew and Terces Engelhart came into my life as if they had never left it. We were family quite immediately and soon began a collaboration called Aloha Awakenings on their organic farm in Kipahulu, Maui named Laulima. They taught and led through example, living their curriculum to the core while planting seeds of gratitude in every heart they encountered.
Those early days were fairly dreamy. I could walk down to get fresh juice and a raw dessert for breakfast from the cafe, run into another radical human who was perhaps exploring a world without sugar and hyped up on Hot Yoga all while making a stop on the festival circuit before these activities and practices were considered ‘normal’. My world was opening up to conscious ways of eating organic and exploring affirmations as menu items; ‘I am Graceful’, ‘I am Healthy’, and ‘I am Accepting’ were my go-to’s.
I deepened my process of inner work through the gateway of gratitude. My God Parents (as they came to be) and my teachers, helped me to see the world as a possibility through working with my thoughts and words. I had already been a seeker my entire life yet coming to the Gratitude community helped me to understand more parts of myself than I ever knew had existed as they mirrored a new reality to me. Simultaneously, I entered into a health crisis that was revealing long lost memories of intense childhood trauma. I prayed and I received…and into the world of plant medicine I was delivered (I’ll leave this for a future journal entry).
A few years later, Matthew and Terces invited me to Ecuador to meet them, their family, and a few family friends for a journey with the Pachamama Alliance where we slept under the stars on banana leaves and established new friendships for life. Every adventure with them brought me closer to my heart and to new ways of experiencing the world. Their family became my family and continues to be to this day.
We had been teaching together twice a year at their farm in Maui (Laulima) for seven years before I eventually took a left turn. Yes, a left turn specifically or perhaps I should call it a descent. The more I study the myth of the Greek goddess, Persephone, the more I can understand her journey into and eventual rule of the underworld. How throughout her life she continues to descend and ascend, uncovering depths of unknown worlds within her psyche, and bringing them to the light of day…to life.
This particular descent, witnessed by my God Parents, close friends, family, and community, lasted an entire decade of my life. And not only did they witness, but I also brought several of them with me. Some of these companions have since ascended from that journey and others, unfortunately, remain there, unwilling to return…at least for now.
Today I am grateful for all that I am learning from the continued assessment of that part of my life from the comfort of hindsight. Whereas I once felt I had lost a decade of my life to illusion, I recognize the priceless gift of enduring such an experience, not only surviving it, actually finding myself thriving on the other side.
I am also incredibly grateful for these two, who as parents, friends, and teachers have woven threads of gold throughout my life, sowing seeds of epic inquiry, profound appreciation for the cycles of life, and most importantly have brought my awareness and attention to the feet of Gratitude itself. My life is forever ‘altared’ by our relationship, as in I know that which I bring my attention to is what I worship on the altar of my life. They helped me see clearly when I swam in the mud as a young lass working through deep issues of self-worth. They also love me still despite having invited them to swim in some deep places that have caused profound inquiry back into their own lives.
Our relationship is a powerful reflection in my life that inspires me every day. Thank you, Matthew and Terces, for who you are being and for sharing your lives with me and so many others.
The sea, the color aquamarine, fresh air to breathe, blue topaz, nourishing food to eat, beasts of all shapes and sizes (furred or feathered), skin on linen sheets, beautiful smiles, inner knowing, communion with God, true friends and the sound of their voices, the little things, the one thing, creativity, poetry, opera, peonies, sandalwood, Big Sur, soft sweatpants, cashmere, matcha with fresh ginger, my sister’s wisdom and strength, my Mama and her love, every heart in my family, the Snake River, the language of stars, texture, Joan of Sparc, writing, co-creating a new world, that everything is possible….these, I am also grateful for these.
