Why Do You Cry?
Q: Why do you cry?
A: In a moment full of new possibilities, when the world cheers on, many people filled with jubilation in the streets, others sitting cozily at home drinking tea, why am I crying (drinking tea)?
My first response? I am facing my imminent death. No, probably not of this body anytime relatively soon, but of this mind and many attachments within it. Are you a Capricorn? Or do you know one? Actually, we all have Capricorn ruling over an aspect of our souls and I recommend exploring what house you have ruled by this sign. Observe if you have planets there and study or ask an astrologer to find out how they relate to the other areas of your chart.
Why do I ask? This is a phenomenal stretch of time for the Capricorn realm within our soul. Every sign has a shadow element and if we really want to know more about ourselves, we could each study the shadow of our sun sign and we would learn what others can already see about us that we are usually decidedly oblivious to. Pluto, ruler of the underworld, Lord of death, rebirth and radical transformation has been moving steadily and stealthily through Capricorn since 2008 and will continue until 2024.
Capricorn, amongst other sobering life details such as time and discipline, rules art and politics. Politics, referring to the spectrum from the depth of the abysmal expressions we can see in our world today to the true democratic promise of freedom yet to be honored in my lifetime. Art is our response to the politic of the moment. We pour our emotions on the page, on the canvas, and into the digital sphere to articulate ourselves as creative reflections of the theatrical world stage. Art becomes a lifeline, a mirror and a teacher.
Pluto traversing Capricorn has inevitably brought forth the much-needed onset of the dissolution of current governing structures and rigid ways of thinking and seeing. The shadow of Capricorn lurks deep within the patriarchal and punishing father archetype that will kick, bite and punch with every last drop of sour, putrid blood it has. We shall see unprecedented change in the coming years as Saturn (karma, discipline and truth), also ruler of Capricorn, meets with Pluto on its home turf. Jupiter will also attend this epic cosmic event, entering into Capricorn in December of this year, which will raise the stakes and the amplification of the moment.
Redistribution of global power, China making incomprehensible chess moves on the US, multinational business dominance and forced environmental issues will have to contend with an even greater uprising from the people. A clash of the titans, a bringing to knees, the reveal of false prophets, an unquenchable thirst for truth, a desperate search for the authentic, and a surge of inner searching will continue to be met with the abominable self-aggrandizing urgency for control.
Thus, as a Capricorn, those external events will also be playing out on the internal psyche. Everyone of us is asked to clean up, clear out, and take honest inventory of who we have been in order to do the work (Saturn) necessary to become who we are. Some have already done this, for others it will be in a few years to come. For me, this has begun, with a Sun/Venus conjunct at 27 degrees Cap, I am surrendering now to the reality ahead and within me.
Why do I cry? Realizing about oneself is far from the romantic ideal of “awakening.” My journey thus far has been about remembering. Seeing my past with new eyes…stark, honest and piercing. And what I see is painful, not referring to just this time around either. When I hear people say that we don’t need to repent because God loves us just the way we are, I would like to say God loves us yes, and. In my experience, God’s love is so strong, so powerful… as a raging river of strength that is pressing on my dull unconscious self, urging me to acknowledge the light, and the power within. That dullness is my own resistance to re-membering. Seeing the truth in my actions that, through a Sun/Pluto transit, will inevitably be brought to light. This is the gift. Liberation if I choose it.
Will I bury my head and pretend “it’s all good” and internally suffer in my own weaving of self-deception? Or will I take up the armor of God provided for me in Ephesians 6:10-20 and face myself in the midst of Pluto’s wake, Saturn’s mirror and Jupiter’s thrust? Will I step into the arena of my darkest secrets, the ones I have hidden away for lifetimes? Will I show myself before the terrors that haunt and tease my innermost mind? Will I do this despite the ridicule, humiliation or judgement that ensues? Does the perception of others, what they think or say about me, dictate who I am? Will I have the courage to realize the truth within me that is immune to what the masses agree or disagree with? That ultimately who I am is in a deep, reverent friendship and communion with my Lord? And that who I am being matters, rather than what others think or say?
Will I be able to survive the painful realizations to come? Ones like I have already started to know inside the depths of me, the aches of my heart, still beating after hours of tears flooding my soul, purifying me in the act of repentance. And this is only my experience, we are each a different soul on unique journeys. I share mine with you, as a Capricorn, in this moment where all eyes, ears and hearts will be pulsing through a Plutonian death of sorts within my neighborhood.
May we rise together, with a bold new awareness along the way. May we help one another as we are asked to seek our truths in this undeniable invitation of Pluto-Saturn starting in the spring of this year, blossoming in 2020 and ripe for years to come.
I cry tears of pain, sadness and a mourning over attachments that will later disappear. I cry, rather wail, out of the grandiosity of the unimaginable outpouring of God’s love accessible within our very own hearts. For as a dear friend shared with me, the future is kind. I believe it is up to each one of us to do the work that needs to be done to in order for this kindness within our hearts to truly be born.
I look forward, presently, to this future with you. And you can count on me as your sister and friend, knowing I am in this work now and will continue beside you until forever perhaps, or until a new task is given. May this new moon solar eclipse break open your reality as well…
*Personalized collage inspired by and created for Carlos Mestanza
