What Have You Learned in 2019?
Q: What Have You Learned in 2019?
A: The lessons of this year are still arriving by the truck full over here, how about you? Maybe the question is more of “What Was Easy in 2019?” The answer, nothing. Entire towns have been engulfed in flames, continuous mass murders proliferate at gunpoint, and the earth is on the brink of an unrecognizable landscape. Our heartbreaks are only deepening at the loss of what has been and now we find ourselves hard at work to face new inconceivable realities. I sense this thematic experience of being jolted into unforeseen new territories as one felt by many in the realms of health, family dynamics, politics, and the environment etc.
· I learned that growth has a cost, often painfully so, one way or another. The visceral pressure mounts as there are bigger problems to solve and more decisions to make.
· Speaking one’s truth is not for the faint of heart, especially in a public forum. The act of forming an opinion is important in an age where we are so prone to fluidity over structure. Having a ‘criteria’ that we live from internally provides the very foundation from which we stand for something real and lasting.
· Life is not a popularity contest. As much as Instagram may be intending to mold our society to think it is, none of it matters. Likes, no likes, followers…this does not define us in reality, only in the illusion. Watch this encouraged behavior with a fierce vigilance of mind, it is a tempting beast. I also recommend this Black Mirror Episode.
· Life is so precious and ultimately exists within the blink of an eye. While we are alive, there is so much to contemplate, see, love, dance to, hike, sing along with, draw, experience, read, write, create…how is boredom even a thing?!
· Resilience is epic and we as humans are so deeply resilient while simultaneously so fragile. I am in awe of this paradox of incredible strength and vulnerability on all levels of being.
· The road is long, very long, and possible. There has to be reparations for the actions of ourselves all the way back through to our ancestors. Where have we done wrong, stolen, lied, cheated or harmed another? I begin by asking forgiveness from my innermost and those whose lives I have impacted in destructive rather than constructive ways. I ask the people of this land I live on and traverse daily for forgiveness. I often take for granted that I live ‘freely’ on what was once their home. I ask forgiveness from the land itself for all the ways we arrogantly disrespect her unconsciously and otherwise.
· That unicorns aren’t generally birthed out of thin air. Generating the energy to live full out as an entrepreneur is impressive and I admire all my fellow startup founders and their seemingly impossible journeys of passion, grit, and heart.
· Despite having worked on myself for as long as I can remember, the initiation of a Pluto transit over my Sun/Venus is eradicating any sense of having made any progress whatsoever and this journey has barely begun. A daunting mountain of inner work looms before me. How dedicated am I to the process of annihilation of the ego anyhow? For real though? And how courageous am I to face myself on the level this invitation holds? TBD.
· The past is to be discovered in order to carve out a new future and it is seemingly infinite. While it is not advised to stay too long within it or get caught in its web, it is a tremendous abyss-like vastness that is full of audacious surprise.
· That the heart can be broken, shattered, healed and then shine brilliantly on repeat within a life, decade, year, month, day or hour. The emotional context of our life today is a prolific journey through human experience on a daily basis.
· My life has a value beyond what my mind can imagine. This hasn’t been taught to me in school, while growing up, at home, or throughout life until I received it this year as a pure gift. And although I can’t unknow it, I am still remembering and integrating this jewel in my heart.
· The greatest fear within me is of myself. The shadow that lurks within my subconscious mind is the enemy that I sleep with every night. Thank God for the inspiration to face this part of myself, one spiral of an inner journey at a time.
· Gratitude has no limits. How sweet and healing is this epically divine virtue of love? I am beyond grateful for this life, this past year, the last decade and all of the excruciating lessons that continue to forge me into a new woman, with each new understanding, through every prayer, and with every deep process of integration.
There has been so much more still to what this year has revealed. I continue to process these deep lessons, the treasures, the aches, and the achy treasures as we prepare for the decade ahead. As far as I can tell, 2019 is just the opening band for what 2020 has in store for us. Buckle up buttercups!
