What Feels Good?
Q: What Feels Good?
A: Starting with a deep breath, I close my eyes and soften. This feels good. In a world that spins round, yes round, it is easy to find ourselves caught in the dual nature of illusion. Pointing fingers, judging this and that based on our own fixed and literal points of view, we may miss the full spectrum life occurring before our eyes and not all of it feels good. Is this why we turn a blind eye at times? What about the possibility of having an addiction to feeling good? Of course, we can see the extreme reach of this on the streets of the Mission District in San Francisco for example. Strained souls seeking to liberate their imprisonment with one more high. Is the truth so obvious? That in seeking to feel good rather than to feel free we may create circumstances that bind us further into our own deception? I did this for years in the name of spirituality.
Does a warm meal and a soft bed feel good? To me, yes. How about traversing temptation? Is there pleasure there? Also, yes, for a moment. Initially, I have observed myself finding challenge in walking right up to the temptation, sniffing it out so to speak and then with a curiosity perhaps lingering too long. What is it about temptation that feels good? It isn’t the truth, which makes sense because truth often brings pain at first. There is an allure in the giving of my energy and power to that which is in the end destructive. How can this be? Are you following me here?
It isn’t that I am honest with myself about the deception from the get go. I justify it as an innocent human experience, I have my rights just as the next person does. So, why wouldn’t I give it a go? However, if, and a strong if, if I can attune into my consciousness, there may be another direction to live.
Discernment is hard won and not a natural skill. For me it has taken errors to train me that the bitter consequence of an ounce of false pleasure disguised as a curiosity is perhaps not worth the writhing. And I am still learning, slipping, falling, rising again and again as I sharpen the sword of discernment within me, hard won as mentioned and the battle continues.
Hot baths, puppy cuddles, fresh green juice, walks in a rose garden, climbing a mountain peak, sinking into amplified states of music, a transportive massage, the scent of rain…these things also feel good. Yet maybe you can feel my struggle, maybe it exists within you too? There are levels and there are levels. The real question I pose now is why would I want to just feel good when I can feel free? The cost of freedom is much higher in relationship to that which I may have to give up, sure. However, feeling good also has a price and if I am not living through my discernment, I could end up paying even more than anticipated. Perhaps for now I will continue this complex inquiry and feel good about that.
