Are You Willing to Give it Your All?
Q: Are You Willing to Give it Your All?
A: First response, yes, 100%. Second thought, what is the it? One thing I am currently learning is that if I am to set my heart on fire and then walk through it, I might as well bring all of me to enjoy the heat. There is no half-ness about life if I truly want to live it fully. Thus, I am brought before my own paradox and it looks like this…
There was a moment, years ago, that I recognized myself as a warrior of sorts. I witnessed and participated in the battles on the inner planes, and felt the metaphoric collapse after a hard-won lesson, literally feeling beaten to an internal pulp. And one day it hit me, that maybe just maybe I was fighting on the wrong side and had been for much of my life. I was a fighter, yes, a do-or-dier, yes, and I realized then that so much of my energy had been to literally proliferate my own desires and will. I had lost all sight of what was actually true to my heart.
An aspect of my true nature came into focus. I was still a warrior, yet more gentle, I was still strong, yet surrendered. I had a purpose to fight for, and the weaponry of choice shifted from brute force to psychological tai chi. The art of war became a reality for me as I was slowly getting accustomed to an entirely “new” yet familiar world within my own mind.
Diving more deeply into my own reality through prayer and learning to wield the arms of truth and humility, has been a journey. I could never have suspected that one could live this in the here and now. Meaning, while I walk through the world and exercise, eat well, sleep, work and create, I can still observe myself and even attend to a full inner life that calls to me.
I am slightly obsessed with inner work, I will admit it, and I’ve been a seeker for as long as I can remember. It took me a while to understand the difference of intent within my own soul (duality) and since first witnessing my inner rebellious warrior, I am still slowly transforming and churning all I am towards becoming the warrior I know I can be.
Am I willing to give it all? Yes. At what cost? Whatever it takes. I know it is “expensive” in a sense and worth it, even if it costs me my desires and my will. Jesus is such a powerful example and teacher around this delicate and challenging task and I am forever grateful for this passage in Luke 22:42-43:
42 saying, “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.” 43 [a]Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him.
Do I still rebel? Yes…and this is the unfortunate battle I continue to fight yet look forward to my victories. May I one day rise from the ashes of those bitter flames that consume me at times and find freedom in the light that is pure and true. And the it? If it is You Lord, guide me home…I am ready.
