What Is Self-Observation?
The Inner Journey
Q: What Is Self-Observation?
A: Here is an example of what Self-Observation can look like:
I am on retreat. I’ve just meditated, breathed, observed, and processed my dream from the night before. I stretch and make some tea. The whole day is ahead of me and I have a thought. Only five days left and what do you have to show for yourself? That thought is then proceeded by more commentary. You still have this chapter and this chapter and this chapter to write...
The pressure is mounting like a storm. My heart rate just jumped a notch. I observe, These are not my conscious thoughts, where are they coming from? If I follow them through on the various threads at play, I witness an entanglement of accomplices ranging from perfectionism, impatience, self-doubt, and anxiety, to name a few. And as my mind prefers to organize and label, I simply note and continue to observe, as to not distract myself in that process…
And then I watch another slew of thoughts as if coming up over the mountain. Just tell them you decided to watch the entire “Game of Thrones” series, it laughs. Then you’ll feel much more at ease within current pop culture. Okay, the comedian who is simultaneously ridiculing me for being out of synch with the loop of what’s current. Another, time for breakfast! Before my belly actually stirs of hunger. Then this one, I’d rather dive into a book with my tea, hmmm, which one? Amidst the swirl of my internal circus of characters, I simply observe. All of this happens within a matter of 45 seconds.
Imagine observing ourselves for every second, every moment of every hour, every day. If the above can occur in 45 seconds, imagine what is happening when we are not observing ourselves! And still, it is a wonder how anyone can ever be bored.
If we went from our current state of mind to the radical shift of observing ourselves 24 hours a day, our head just might spin off! Luckily, nature keeps us from having that problem, as we are slow as snails in this realm. We work with valiant effort to ensure practice of self-observation gradually becomes a consistent state of inner being.
Where am I after 45 seconds? Well, I have a choice.
This is a significant moment that differentiates observation from identification. I ask myself where I am. I can’t do this if I am not observing. And then I assess my options. I can either become any one, two or three of these thoughts in succession. If I identify with one, it is as if I put it on like a polyester tracksuit that doesn’t breathe well, and over time it could actually suffocate me. I begin to think this thought, feel like it too, and then begin to speak like it. If this happens, I may no longer be observing myself. I am now identified with my ego, rather than observing from my essence.
Or, I remain objective and observe. I witness and I learn. All information is useful, even if painful or dreadful. It is my work to be in a neutral state of observation. I observe my body, the change in temperature, and any noticeable sensations. As well my emotions, waves of annoyance, sadness or despair, perhaps I want to laugh. I am in my objectivity, and here is my power. I am not giving in to these thoughts.
From a state of self-observation, we can easily transition into self-inquiry which becomes highly valuable in the process of knowing ourselves. What does this thought want from me? What are its desires? What will my life look like if I continue to live that thought into reality? And so it goes . . . and thus a good time for a journal entry.
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We cannot change the world until we accept we are the world. This is the new conversation.
