Are You Monogamous?
Q: Are You Monogamous?
A: Yes. In past chapters of my life, I may have moved from one relationship to another with little room to breathe in between. Now, I hold that time between dear, and sometimes I think I am holding on to it perhaps a bit too tight, not truly wanting to let go of my coveted independence once again. Once I do, this next time around will be different than the last, for sure.
I ask this question as I’ve been in a recent, very subtle yet profound debate with a dear friend of mine who I adore deeply. When I met him and years after, he was a loyal and sprightful soul who had faith in the journey of love between two people. Later, we both found comfort in our friendship while each of us were navigating through our own unique variations of the shattered landscapes of our once thriving hearts during breakups. At this moment, we took completely different turns at the inevitable crossroads before us.
I went straight into my cocoon to dissolve and come through with new layers of baby skin not yet ready for prime time, and he emerged from his wreckage with an insatiable curiosity around polyamory. I used to know him as a monogamist, but maybe he thought that if loyalty brought him to such levels of personal disaster, how could sharing more love and receiving more love be any more of a risk? Maybe it would, in fact, take him further into where we ultimately wish to reside, to more love.
I hesitate to offer him too much in the form of advice, yet as somewhat of an older sister, I have my concerns. I tend to lean to the other side of the spectrum if you will, as loyalty is a pillar within my soul. I am not saying that I am without my own desires or lustful dreams, yet I know where my North Star is and it is drawing me to a relationship of fidelity and a partnership of oneness.
In the midst of a recent wave of our debate, he sent me this…
“Cœur d’artichaut.”
Literally translated as, “artichoke heart,” it is used to describe someone who falls in love easily and frequently, possibly with several people at the same time — or at least in rapid succession. This idiom dates back to the nineteenth century, and is built as a variation on the maxim, “Cœur d’artichaut, une feuille pour tout le monde” (“Artichoke heart, a leaf for everyone”).
I sat with this having eaten artichoke hearts for dinner the night before, hmmm. My response, here rather than back to him directly as I felt moved to let it lie, is one of inquiry. If the one who is the ‘Coeur d’artichaut’ is indeed falling in love all over the place, what is the trail left behind him? Do each of his lovers have the same capacity to open their hearts only to be passed by as he moves to the next and the next? What kind of utopia is this that I have yet to see with my own eyes? How long before the leaf wilts and dies? Perhaps it is a cultural thing. The French do have a different perspective on fidelity in many cases. Yet to me, honestly, this is beyond culture, this is about self-responsibility, karma, love, and reality…and he isn’t French.
I went in to seek more and meditated on the heart of the artichoke. I found myself there, in the same metaphor yet different. In the center of my heart exists a trinity of love between my heart, my beloved, and my creator. Whereas this love, like molten gold that can resist any flame yet transform to fit the moment perfectly, is shared amongst three. And from this sacred trinity of my pure heart, there are boundless leaves of co-creation possible in every direction to all who are inspired. There is more than enough love to share within this nectar of stardust, turquoise waves of luminescent light, radiating and permeating into the hearts of other beings in the forms of compassion, empathy, grace, and kindness. However, the sexuality is sacred and remains in the temple of the heart of three.
This is not bound by time, it already exists even before it is realized here. I haven’t a partner in this world now, yet in my heart He exists, I am receiving His love and there is a spark of co-creation alive within me that is also nurtured by a future love yet to be discovered. I am patient, sort of, and excited…yes! And grateful for this exploration of inner truth within myself and grateful for my dear friend, who walks through the world as a ‘Coeur d’artichaut’, teaching me through his reflection and causing me to self-inquire on the subject of love.
